It's been a month now since I wrote to this blog… so much has happened ...some good, some not so good but what is the constant in all of this is the love and support that Ponsawan has for her daughter. Ada and Ponsawan had something so special before the incident that happened to Ada... a bond stronger than most parents have with their children. They shared secrets and ambitions for each other....they even shared late night snacks and sometimes the same bed. I believe Ponsawan encouraged Ada to take chances, explore the world, and go out and get what you want. It was the kind of life most women Ponsawan's age rarely got to do...because that wasn't the way the world saw women when she was a young girl. As many of you know Ponsawan could've done anything and had many career paths if the times had been different when she was Ada's age. Instead she chose the path of wife and mother and she has done it well...always supporting her children's choices in sports and activities. She drove them all over the country to explore and to help them grow into the wonderful young people they are today. What all of these life experiences hasn't taught is how to survive this kind of tragedy that befell this family eight weeks ago. Nothing and noexperience in life prepares someone for this heartache except being a caring loving individual that Ponsawan is. She doesn't want this role of the strong silent type...what she wants is to scream at the top of her lungs as to why did this happen to her daughter... I suspect she does but it is into a pillow to silent her screams and tears. When she is with Ada she smiles, sings, and gives her small kisses...I don't think she always sees Ada responding to her in a way she has reserved just for her Mom. I sometimes have to turn my back because I am going to cry and I try to never do that in front of Ponsawan. I'm sure most of us Moms would face each day similar to how Ponsawan does..but I don't think I would with such grace and dignity. She says nearly everyday "I just want to take care of Ada"... not all these other messy details. I always tell her you clean her face, wash her hair, etc. and let me do the bumps that come along but I hate it when I have to tell her the day just got a little crazier than we expected. It seems to take two heads to try and stay a step ahead of Ada but it all pays off when she does something you never saw before even if it sitting in ER for 15 hrs. and laughing because that day she decided to move her left foot up and down like she was saying hello to her Mom...Ponsawan needed that gesture and I think Ada knew it.
If I can paraphrase a few lines from a song from the musical Wicked that I have loved since I first heard these words maybe Ponsawan and Ada will know why it is honor to be with them.
I’ve heard it said that people come into lives for a reason bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. Now I don’t know if I believe that’s true but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. So much of me is what I have learned from you you’ll be with me, like a handprint on my heart and now whatever way our story ends I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend. But because I knew you…I have been changed for good.
I have heard friends, nurses and caretakers say Ponsawan is lucky to have me around...that is untrue because lucky would to have been to have never needed me. If fate had thrown us together in some other way we would've been good friends... besides we share the same taste in pizza and breadsticks. This blog is suppose to be for Ada so maybe someday she will know the journey she took to find her way back…but this journey would never have been if it was not for the love her mother feels for her and the small ways Ponsawan deals with each day, each new curve in the road.