Thursday, May 1, 2008

For Good

It's been a month now since I wrote to this blog… so much has happened ...some good, some not so good but what is the constant in all of this is the love and support that Ponsawan has for her daughter. Ada and Ponsawan had something so special before the incident that happened to Ada... a bond stronger than most parents have with their children. They shared secrets and ambitions for each other....they even shared late night snacks and sometimes the same bed. I believe Ponsawan encouraged Ada to take chances, explore the world, and go out and get what you want. It was the kind of life most women Ponsawan's age rarely got to do...because that wasn't the way the world saw women when she was a young girl. As many of you know Ponsawan could've done anything and had many career paths if the times had been different when she was Ada's age. Instead she chose the path of wife and mother and she has done it well...always supporting her children's choices in sports and activities. She drove them all over the country to explore and to help them grow into the wonderful young people they are today. What all of these life experiences hasn't taught is how to survive this kind of tragedy that befell this family eight weeks ago. Nothing and noexperience in life prepares someone for this heartache except being a caring loving individual that Ponsawan is. She doesn't want this role of the strong silent type...what she wants is to scream at the top of her lungs as to why did this happen to her daughter... I suspect she does but it is into a pillow to silent her screams and tears. When she is with Ada she smiles, sings, and gives her small kisses...I don't think she always sees Ada responding to her in a way she has reserved just for her Mom. I sometimes have to turn my back because I am going to cry and I try to never do that in front of Ponsawan. I'm sure most of us Moms would face each day similar to how Ponsawan does..but I don't think I would with such grace and dignity. She says nearly everyday "I just want to take care of Ada"... not all these other messy details. I always tell her you clean her face, wash her hair, etc. and let me do the bumps that come along but I hate it when I have to tell her the day just got a little crazier than we expected. It seems to take two heads to try and stay a step ahead of Ada but it all pays off when she does something you never saw before even if it sitting in ER for 15 hrs. and laughing because that day she decided to move her left foot up and down like she was saying hello to her Mom...Ponsawan needed that gesture and I think Ada knew it.
If I can paraphrase a few lines from a song from the musical Wicked that I have loved since I first heard these words maybe Ponsawan and Ada will know why it is honor to be with them.

I’ve heard it said that people come into lives for a reason bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. Now I don’t know if I believe that’s true but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. So much of me is what I have learned from you you’ll be with me, like a handprint on my heart and now whatever way our story ends I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend. But because I knew you…I have been changed for good.

I have heard friends, nurses and caretakers say Ponsawan is lucky to have me around...that is untrue because lucky would to have been to have never needed me. If fate had thrown us together in some other way we would've been good friends... besides we share the same taste in pizza and breadsticks. This blog is suppose to be for Ada so maybe someday she will know the journey she took to find her way back…but this journey would never have been if it was not for the love her mother feels for her and the small ways Ponsawan deals with each day, each new curve in the road.
Ardis Hendrix

5 comments:

CU# 1835024 said...

Ardis,

Thank you for writing and showing me how to be a true friend.

You have passed an honor test. You have walked your walk, talked your talk. I am inspired by great people like you and Ponsawan.

Regards,
Yui

Charin said...

Dear Ardis,
Ponsawan has not only rewritten your life, she has done mine, as well as some 80 friends and their families. Our life will never be the same again since we learned about the incident eight weeks ago, and since Ponsawan has shown us her extraordinary capacity to love. Our perspective to life has changed forever. Among many things, we have learned about ourselves and found that we too can love much more than we thought we had the capacity for.
And then you came into the picture, adding more depth to all these experiences. To us, you are our hands, our words, our eyes, that reach out to Ponsawan. Your messages on this Blog comfort us as much as Ponsawan's does. For us, you have extended the meaning of friendship to a new level. We have never met but we feel that you have been our friend for all our lives. We have been so thankful to you, for loving and caring and dedicating to Ponsawan and Ada. We have been so thankful to somebody up there who made your life path crossed with Ponsawan's, and in doing so, giving you much joy.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote in one of his books that the most beautiful thing in life is human relationship.
As you have proved to us, I can't agree more with him.
While we pray for Ada and Ponsawan everday, we pray for you and your family, for your happiness and good health.
Love
Charin

Anonymous said...

Yui & Ting, you put the words out of my mouth.
Thanks Ardis.
Ponsawan

Anonymous said...

Dear Yui and Charin,
I want you both to know that I am here for you also...your friendship sustains Ponsawan daily. In her darkest days while Ada was in ICU she would get on the computer to see if she had messages from you and I could see what a comfort it was and continues to be for Ponsawan. I don't know if she told you about getting a facial and massage last week. A friend of hers arranged it...I could see that she wasn't sure about all this attention but I told her what she does for herself she does for Ada. Well when she returned in a few hours she was smiling and telling me that she had gotten her back straightend out and now she was taller than me. (I let her believe it). It was so good that for few hours she let some one pamper her. I don't have to tell all her friends what a very special person she is but I am pleased and honored that she has allowed me into her life. Ponsawan doesn't realize that I get more out of this friendship than I give. I will continue to add my thoughts to this blog so you may know what I see between Ponsawan and Ada.
I am glad to call you both my friends and hope someday in the near future we will meet until then...I send you all my best.

Fondly,
Ardis

Cu# 1835024 said...

Ponsawan, Ardis and Ting(Charin),

One is defined by her association and I am most honored to be counted as your friend.

I got teary eyes reading your words on this page. Ada and other young people might think we are so mushy. Honestly, the older I get, I realize that positive human connection is the most proud accomplishment I can have.

To witness and to be in a presence of people (like you) with great integrity is the best experience I look forward to each day. I believe in the goodness of mankind and thanks to you my faith is reinforced.

Love,
Yui

PS: I will make sure to arrange for more massages for Ponsawan later this month. Thanks again for the thoughtful and loving ideas you shared!