Saturday, March 22, 2008

What ever happened that night

The day after the accident, there was an article in the local newspaper about Ada, saying that she was in critical condition and that her car had hit a pole for an unknown reason. It was 2 a.m. on Sunday morning - people might want to know what was she doing out at the time.
Ada and her brother worked that night and came home after 11 o'clock. Showered and changed, all 3 kids piled up on my bed and we started talking. It was a normal ritual we had when Ada was home, which is not often enough. She is a busy girl, always going somewhere, doing something and constantly talking to somebody. About 1:15 she told me that she was going out to see a friend. This particular friend of hers had called many times before when he needed a ride home or was too drunk to find his car, and off she would go to pick him up and take him home. This was not the first time. That's who she is, always worring about other people. She went, and half way there, her car got hit by another car. The driver who was drunk, walked off with no harm, admitted to the police that he had been drinking from 4 o'clock in the afternoon till 1 a.m.
I am angry, oh yes, and I think I have a right to be angry. My daughter can no longer jump into my bed, with a bag of chips, telling me about her day, how much money she made, who she had met or talked to today. We talked about everything. Then she would curl up next to me and fall asleep. She won't be coming home soon. Now all I can do is to sit at her bedside, holding her hand, telling her how my day went, with a little hope that she can hear what I just said.
I will forgive and forget, when I am ready. I know I have to, but please don't tell me to do it now.
For her friend, I hope that he can admit about his drinking problem. He has to call the cab from now on. Many people have told me that it is not his fault. Really? She was in her pajamas when he called. I have a right to be angry, don't you think? If your friend called and told you that she would be there in 15 minutes but she did not show up at all, would you wait 2 weeks to show up at the hospital? He was out of the country, someone told me. Spring break in Mexico, laying in the sun while my daughter laid in hospital bed with all the life support she can get. John was flying to New York when he heard the news, and bought another plane ticket back to see her. Grant took a week off and flew in as soon as he could. David came all the way from France to see her, missed his flight, slept in the DC airport for a night, and many friends who live far way have been asking their parents if they can visit Ada. Many have been here everyday or as much as they can.
I should appreciate that there are so many people who love her, care for her, have been visiting her and praying for her, which I do. But, let me be angry, so I can keep my sanity, please.

12 comments:

Jennifer said...

I absolutly agree 100% that you have every right to be angry. I'm angry and I don't know her that well, I can't even imagine how you must feel since it was your daughter, who was completly innocent, suffered at the hands of idiocy. I wouldn't blame you if you were angry for years. Anyone who tells you not to be angry is crazy.

I will continue to pray for her and for you and your family. My parents (Judy and Jim Mulder) give their regards as well.

CU#1835024 said...

Ponsawan,

Thanks for this blog and your quick update. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and care for us all. I admire your love and connection with Ada. What a special pair; mother and daughter.

I acknowledge your anger and support your feeling then, now and forever.

Love,
Yui

Anonymous said...

Dear Ponsawan, Anger is a very vital part of the grieving process. I've seen your picture and heard of you so many times that I feel, like so many, that I know you. I grieve over your daughter's accident. I want to give you some encouragement and comfort. Another dear daughter of a very dear friend had the same sort of injury on Sept 2 of 2003. Karyn is now completely healed, rehabilitated and leading a happy life. The main, lingering injury is an ankle that was crushed and will give her pain but considering what we saw the morning after her injury I'm thankful that our prayers for her were answered. I will keep Ada in my thoughts and prayers and check back here to learn how you are all doing. Peg Harper in CO

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are often about Ada, I don't know her, though I know her mother. Every time I think of Ada and Ponsawan, I say a prayer for them. From what I am gathering in the blog, Ada is indeed a very special person.

Today is Easter. A celebration of the resurrection of Christ. During services today, I could only think of Ada and the healing power given to us through Christ's wounds.

Being angry is ok, sometimes it is good. Anger is only harmful if you hang on to it. Ada and Ponsawan and all who care about them have a right to be angry. I'm angry. Angry at the injustice of all of this, that a young life should be interrupted due to someone else's stupidity and irresponsible behavior.

Think of it...........2 drunks caused all this pain. I pray that they both will get help. But for now my prayers will be for Ada and her family.

Sandy said...

Dear Ponsawan,

I am new to your saga but it has touched me deeply. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

It's so very hard when you're grieving to hear words from others that feel and sound wrong. It's all you can do to survive with what you've got - you shouldn't have to worry about other's misguided attempts to make you feel better.

My heart goes out to you for having to endure the comments as well as the incredibly difficult story that your life is taking on.

Hoping you can take some small and temporary comfort from other people's good and kind words,

Sandy

Silastones said...

Dear friends,
One of my friend told me if I can forgive and forget, then I will go to heaven after I die. I must be a saint. This has proved that I am human after all. Still angry and disappointed, not for long, I hope.

Anonymous said...

Most of us have never walked in your shoes or felt your pain...take all the time you need. We, your friends will be here for you. Continue as I know you will to be the caring and loving mother you have always been to Ada and use this forum to express your feelings, hopes, and fears.

Love,
Ardis

Sandi said...

Dearest Ponsawan,

My thoughts and prayers are with Ada, you and your family. As a mom, I can't even imagine what this is like and what you are going through, and pray that I never can. I also know that there are no words for this time, just prayers. Those you will have, as much as possible, as loud as need be for God to hear.

Your friend from PCC,

Sandi

Sandi said...

Dearest Ponsawan,

My thoughts and prayers are with Ada, you and your family. As a mom, I can't even imagine what this is like and what you are going through, and pray that I never can. I also know that there are no words for this time, just prayers. Those you will have, as much as possible, as loud as need be for God to hear.

Your friend from PCC,

Sandi

DrMom said...

Dear, dear Ponsawan,
Your pain is palpable even from thousands of miles away. I pray you get some relief... and that Ada does as well.
Your daughter sounds like a saint.
I will send good thoughts, prayers and wishes to you, your family, to Ada...
Toby

DrMom said...

Ponsawan,
I must add a bit more as I re ready your comment... I do not believe that G'd requires that we forgive those who have harmed us, especially in such a grievous way. If He does, then, I have the feeling that Heaven is not very crowded. If you have a few minutes for yourself, read The Five People You Meet in Heaven... It may bring you some solace.

CU Friend #1835024 said...

Dearest Ponsawan,

It is the least we can do; your high school friends and we, your college friends have been active in fundraising. We continue our commitment to help with what we can so that the next minute, hour, and day can be a little easier on you and your beautiful family.

After all, it is you who showed us how to be caring and dedicated. In June 2005 you originated the very first fundraising event for our friend (who was seriously injured from a car accident) by auctioning your bead jewelry. You always care for others and immediately act to make things better. Ada has learned that well from you.

I think of you everyday and my friends always ask about Ada. I love Ada's picture you posted. Thank you.

Love,
Yui