Monday, June 16, 2008

Picking up the pieces

I used to spend hours on the beach, looking for the shells. Most of them are broken but, once in a while, I get a perfect shell to add to my collection. Our lives had been shattered into pieces 15 weeks ago, but, like all those broken shells that had been washed ashore, we get a second chance to put our lives back together, and, I am beginning to pick up all those pieces. Just like to jig-saw puzzle with missing pieces,our lives will be never the same but we cannot just give up.
Sure, we want Ada to learn all the skill needed to put her in rehab, so she can learn how to use her body, her arms and legs. May be she can walk, talk and eat, etc. and perform a normal function. We can teach a robot to do that. As a mother, if she can't walk, I'll pick her up, or if she cannot put food in her mouth, I'll feed her.
What about her soul, her spirit, her mind? Will she learn to love again? Will she be able to live outside this 4 wall that we put her in. Everyday, we put her in the chair so she can learn to sit up straight, but, for me, it is a chance for her to get out of her room and meet other people. Sitting in the sunroom, she is practicing her social skill. Many peole stop by and say hello to her. On the sunny day, I get her outside so she can breath fresh air, feel the warm of the sun, feel the wind blowing through her face, touching the leaves from the tree, smell the flowers and the fresh cut grass. Forgive me if it seems like I haven't been working hard enough with her so she can follow the command.
Before I enter her room, I stop for a few second, leaving my worries and my sadness at the door. I want her to feel my happiness, my love. She can feel it and hopefully, she will learn to love again.
Thanks all my friends and family who, along the way, help me pick up all the pieces. Someday, all the pieces will come together. It will be a long journey, but the one I dare to dream.


Nesiejean said...

Do not apologize, Ponsawan! Your instincts have proven thus far to be right on target, and I imagine they will continue to be so. It is oh so true what they say - that a mother knows best - and in this case more so than than ever!

Keep the faith!
NesieJean (Wiggy)

Anonymous said...

Ponsawan, I strongly believe that Ada is still Ada. The person that is Ada (her soul)is still within her. With the love and care that she is getting from you, her mother, each day more and more of Ada will be with you. From all the rest of us, Ada is getting many, many prayers. My prayer for you..."God give her strength."


Anonymous said...

Dear Ponsawan,
What is there to forgive...forgive you for being a mom, for wanting to take care of her, clean her, sing to her. All the therapy in the world can't take the place of your love.
Will she love again? She loves you now...the way she responds to your touch and voice I see it everyday. She knows in her soul that you are trying to to put the pieces of her life's puzzle together. Fifteen weeks is not long in Ada's world...not long enough to know which pieces of the puzzle will be missing in her future. I tell her everyday she is a strong and determined woman, as you are also. Together you will put the pieces in you family's new jigsaw puzzle in place. You are on a new journey and you are not alone. Keep hoping and dreaming.


cu#1835024 said...

Oh, how I wish I can express my thinking the way you and Ardis have done so beautifully.

Oh, how I wish we can prepare for "all the places that we'll go". Life is a burden but with your faith and sacrifices you have lightened all our loads.

I can't wait to hear about your meeting with Dr. Taylor. I also hope that Ada will move to rehab place soon.

Thanks for taking me there with you by Ada's side and out in Indiana air.


River said...


I am a casual visitor to your polymer clay blog, and a polymer clayer myself. I came here out of concern for your daughter and want to express my sincere sadness. I spent 7 yrs working as a counselor for people with TBI and know first hand how heartbreaking it can be for families. Please take care of yourself and continue to provide love and interaction with ADA she will surprise you every day.

Ting said...

My dear Ponsawan,

I remember the first six months and even the first year after my sister had a stroke and later my friend had his nerve system totally damaged, their full recovery was only a dream.

Let’s dwell on the positives that Ada’s progress to date has been considered beyond expectation. Having our old Ada back is not a dream, just a slow reality.

You expressed your feelings so honestly and so beautifully. One day, Ada will read it and marvel at the talents her mother has had and she hasn’t realised. She will marvel at how much you have done to bring her back. Please remember that you are not doing this alone, Ponsawan. We are with you, dreaming the dream with you, walking the long road with you. Many of us who might not normally pray now say their prayers every single day, and we will never stop. No matter how long it will be.

Remember the beautiful, award-winning Bottle of Hope that you made with an hour glass and hearts? Everyday when I think of you and Ada, its strong message “time and love will heal” comes to mind. While you get the care team to work everything they can to help her, there is an endless supply of love for Ada. We just have to wait.

kimequa said...

I'm so excited to hear about Ada's progress!

I have an idea that may or may not be silly..? Maybe if you try putting an eyepatch over one eye Ada will not see double and may be able to better grab objects? It may be a way that you can determine whether or not seeing-double is the problem anyway. Maybe during play time you could try covering one eye or the other for a few minutes to see if it helps?

But yes, Mama Silapiruti, you are doing an amazing job with Ada. I am a strong believer in the Power of Love. So keep Loving on her..! I still pray for you/Ada/your family very very often. Ada is still there, Mama. And I doubt she has forgotten how to Love. Remember how happy it made her everytime John came in to the room when she was in ICU? Remember how she relaxed when you, me, Archie, and Arthy were all in there laughing and having a good time, talking about Houston bboys? Even then, when her injuries were at their worst, she seemed to respond to Love.

I strongly believe that this whole time she has felt the Love of her family/friends and that it has been a tremendous aid in her recovery. It's the way I see it anyway. :) So yes, Mama, you are doing an amazing job. Kiss your baby. Hold her. Speak softly to her. Encourage her with your words and voice and smiles. I know she Loves it and has not stopped Loving you.


cu#1835024 said...


Oude called and told me aobut her visit with you and Ada. She is amazed by your strenght, determination and powerful for Ada. You are one special mom; everyone can feel and see it. Ada certainly inherits that special strenght from you.

It is wonderful to hear Oude's excitement about Ada's recovery. Oude is hopeful, positive and inspired. I realize that she can only be that way by learning and sharing from you.

Keep up your good work. You have never stopped surprising me with all the things you have done and all you will have accomplished.


Anonymous said...


I have to agree with everyone else, you have nothing to apologize for. It is so apparent that you are doing everything in your power to help Ada. And that has been the main reason for her steady recovery There is absolutly no doubt about that.

I am still praying for the both of you.

jujuly25 said...

Good luck to the most wonderful and strong mum!
Take care.