Saturday, June 14, 2008

Learning to let go

This past week, we had been working hard with Ada. Not only she is now able to grab the object that we put in front of her, but she also learn to let it go. And it is because she has to reach her hand out 2-3 times for the object before she can grab it, we think she might have problem with her vision, may be she is seeing double. I have a bucket full of things like my thread spool, the yellow rubber duckie, etc. , things in different shapes and texture. Last Saturday she was sitting outside with daddy. He clean her face and put the pink towel on her lap. She looked at it for a while and then grab and lift it up in the air. She looks happy. Since then she is able to focus on the task and really work on this new thing she can do. We call it "play time"
In order for her to qualify for the Rehabilitation center, she has to be able to take some command. We have a lady from RHI stopped by to see Ada. She gave us a guideline of how we can help Ada to regain her cognitive function. Very interesting and this is the first time we get a specific information of how we can help her.
This week is the Ambulance free week. Ada looks more peaceful and happy. I took the bumper out from the side of the bed and curl up beside her, gave her a hug and kiss her, just like I used to do.
I know I will not be able to have my "Old Ada" back, but I still have my daughter with me. No matter who she would become, I will love her as much as I love "Old Ada". I am no longer angry for what had happened, instead, I am trying to focus on how lucky I am that she is still here with me. No matter how much I want to strangle Dr. Jude for not looking at her c-scan 3 weeks after it was taken and Dr. Weber who has mess up her broken ankle that she is, still, wearing cast on her foot 15 weeks after the accident, I will forgive them.
I am learning to let go.


Anonymous said...

Dearest Ponsawan,

Streams of tear run inside me as I read your message. You have been coping with anguish and frustrations, and the feeling of powerlessness with unbelievable strength.

I would think that the medical profession you mentioned could give you at least an explanation about this negligence. It’s disappointing that they didn’t.

I still have faith that Ada will come back as our Old Ada or as close as possible to it. She will continue to make progress, no matter how small and how slow. We don’t loose hope. We wait. We can’t give her medical support but we can give her everything else that she needs.

Oude our old friend should have been there already. I hope you enjoy her visit.

With much love.

cbarniak said...

I miss my friend, the "old Ada", but I love this Ada like another joy in my life, as well. Just lucky to know the past and the present.

Your strength to cope only reminds me of the many facets of love. It hurts so bad, everyday, but that's love.

Like arising from a dream, where it's sad that it's over, but enchanting that it happened at all.
It doesnt hurt to dream.


CU1835024 said...


You gave me back my faith for mankind. Your ability to forgive and to heal is a blessing to me.

If you can be strong and full of hope in this present moment, none of us has an excuse not to try and be like you.