Monday, May 28, 2012

Stern & Empathy

'I need to be stern with Ada'. This was the suggestion from her Neuro-psychologist. Every time I have a question, concern, or when there is something new that Ada can do, I go talk to Dr. Bachause. She doesn't have all the answers, but in the end she makes me feel better. I told her about the visits last month to see the dermatologist. The first time she was calm, but 2 weeks later when we went back, she threw a fit. She didn't sit still and tried to get out of the room. I could tell she didn't want the doctor near her and I couldn't find a way to calm her. I gave her a hug, which usually works, but she grabbed me and stood up and pushed me out the door. It was... difficult. Dr. Bachause asked whether there were any changes. Of course, we got new nurses for Ada. Like a kid with Autism, she said, Ada doesn't like change and might react by withdrawing or throwing a tantrum. Ah Ha! Finally, someone who agrees with me.  We try to keep her daily routine the same as much as possible but when her nurse quit and the new one come along, it was beyond my control.
I need to be stern, I need to give her tough love which is hard to do. I spoiled my kids and don't know how to do it the other way.
Dr. Bachause also talked about "Empathy", something that we need to teach Ada. She needs to learn that mommy needs to go to the bathroom sometimes and leave her alone. Mom will be right back so she should not throw the bowl of Cheerios on to the bed, otherwise we won't take her out for ice cream in the evening. This is complicated and I need to figure it out.
You see, Ada is like a toddler, even though she has the ability to learn, but unlike toddlers, whose brain are still developing, Ada's brain is already full. The only thing we can do is to force her to learn and show her the way, over and over and over until she gets it.
It make sense to me.
I always leave her office with mixed feelings. I got the answer to my question but at the same time, I have to accept that there is no easy solution and it is going to be a long road for me and Ada.
Together we will, I just need some support and kind words once in a while. Thank you for reading.


Anonymous said...

Oh Ponsawani! You have my full support! This is a tough one, but not as tough as what you have already been through! Hang in there! You can do it. Together Ada and you can do it. It is a matter of time. Love you. Hugs!

Memorybeads.swr said...

I would not know where to start! You are caught in a situation that of course you wish was different, but you are still there, still compassionate. I admire that.