Monday, February 28, 2011

As seen on TV

There is a new TV show on USA network called "Fairly Legal". A young, beautiful lawyer, Kate, turns Mediator because she wants to do the "right" thing. Last week episode was about a husband and wife sued a company for head injury and brain damaged to husband. The wife did not want to settle. Husband looks fine but something wrong with him. His personality had changed, seems like he was a totally different person before the accident. To make a long story short, Kate's conclusion was that the old husband had died, but the wife should learn to love again, with this new husband.
It makes me think! I am not sure if I should look at my life this way, but this Ada that I have is not the same Ada I used to have. She won't ever be the same.
What do you think? Are you agree with Kate? For 3 years, I have never thought of it this way. My father passed away a month after Ada's accident. I won't ever seen my dad again. Ada is still here but she is not the same Ada. I neither took time to mourn the death of my dad, nor the death of my daughter, Ada. May be it's time. So I can let go and learn to love this daughter, the one I still have. There is a lot of "Ada" left in her; her personality, her smiles, her scent, the way she tugs her hair behind her ears. There are a lot to love about this young lady.
I think Ada's brain had gone blank, and she has to re-learn just about everything. She is doing good. She learns to give us a kiss and she let me give her a hug and kisses and let me lay down beside her. Oh and she just learn a new thing; angry, aggression, huff and puff. I say it is a good thing, only disadvantage is that she takes it out on me most of the time.
Next month she will have a surgery to remove all 4 of her Wisdom teeth. I am not so looking forward to it.
Ada is healthy and happy and still learning new things, new skill, how to think. We visit her Speech Pathologist twice a month now.


Anonymous said...

So glad to read another update. I'm wondering if cheerios are still Ada's favorite food?

Anonymous said...

At every stage of our lives we are really different people. looking back sometimes we can hardly recognize the person we were. Ada is in a new stage not planned, not what you and she had hoped. Grief is an ongoing process I know because I lost my mother 8 yrs ago and I grieve for her still. Maybe you could join a grief group to help you grieve for your father and the daughter you lost (in some way). My thoughts and prayers are always with you and Ada.......Ukudancer

Sharon, Trent's mom said...

I am saving and sharing this post, if that's OK? I think that's exactly how it is.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ponsawani, Missing your posts.

When I began reading the post I thought you had determine to sue to get funds to give Ada an agressive treatment and your family a peace of mind in your financial stability...but what a surprise! I might never understand why you didn't receive millions of dollars to assist her.

Grieving is a long process and if you feel it is time to grieve your dad, only you will know. It is never late. It is a healing process and it lasts differently for each person. It is a positive step in the right direction.

I do not think as "Kate" the character you mentioned. I think of Ada as transforming into someone different yet the same in some ways,as you said. I like the comment that we change in every stage of our lives as sort of how we could look at this, but not entirely so. Some day she will reach that point where she can be more of herself. I give thanks for her life! She is teaching us lessons daily just as she did before the accident with her determination and her perseverance. There is a reason why she didn't die in the accident. I do agree with "Kate" that we need to look at ways to love the "new Ada" just the way she is and for who she is. I honor that place in her and that place in you. With all my heart, F

Silastones said...

We have the seen the checks, Frances, but have not seen the dime from the settlement yet. It is a long process, especially when lawyers from the other side have no compassion for us.
May be I feel better when we have money to fix up the house, finish her room and get new equiptments for her.
Sharon, you can share the post, no problem.
It just that we have never talked about it because I don't want to admid that I need help. I am just a mom, not a Superwomen. I do break down and cry, sometime.

Roberta said...

I came here because I saw some of your work in a book on polymer clay. This is not about polymer clay is it? This is about life and the awful things that can happen to us and derail our best plans.
I am sorry for all your losses and hope you can heal.

Silastones said...

Yes, Roberta, this is not about Polymer clay, but clay and clay community have been a big part and great support for us. Along with friends around the world who constantly on myside, pick me up, cheer me on and support me with their uncondition love.
This journey for Ada and I will be long and we just can't do it by ourselves.
With clay in my hands, I don't feel alone :)

koreanirishmom said...

You have expressed yourself beautifully and truthfully..maybe you are just beginning to come through the shock of such terrible losses. Your father's death is something all of us children fear but know will come someday. His death coming at such a horrific time in your life... it is to be expected that you could not properly grieve or say goodbye...but Ada's "life" cut short is something not one of us is prepared for or can even fathom. I watched by your side for many months and was in awe of your strength but always knew you were in a place that know one I had ever known lived. This television show may have made you aware that you have to learn to love a new Ada but in reality you have been doing this from the very start. When everyone around you were cowards you moved cared and mourned for your Ada...three yrs. later there are still no words in any language that can express your love and bravery... Your parents gave you this strength to live for them and for Ada but it is ok to express your fears and grief for what is lost and what is well my friend

angkana said...

I love Ardis' and lovely supporting words in this post.

Every time I think of Ponsawan and Ada, I have questioned myself how I fare if we traded places. I wish I could have been strong just like you, Ponsawan. I think this is the most courageous things I personally witness.

I strongly agree that you will feel better if all improvements at home can be done now. I am sad to hear that the insurance lawer has no compassion. It does not have to be that way for them to do their job, does it?


Anonymous said...

Dear Ada's Mom-
Your excerpt really breaks my heart. I continue to pray for you and your family. I truly believe, like your friends, that there is a reason why Ada lived through that accident. I know you aren't Superwoman, but I'm sure you are an angel in Ada's eyes. Your love and devotion to your daughter is unwavering and it's beautiful. I just pray that you get a break soon and you get rest and you can go through all the grieving you need, in the time you need.

Your daughter and your story inspires me. I'm keeping you all in my prayers.